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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22683256">I Always End Up In Your Arms</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcheaMajuar/pseuds/ArcheaMajuar'>ArcheaMajuar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MASH (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:07:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22683256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcheaMajuar/pseuds/ArcheaMajuar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m glad you’ve come, Ben,” he said slowly, quietly not to break the fragile atmosphere. “And I genuinely want to help you, so please, talk to me, my boy.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce/Charles Emerson Winchester III</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Always End Up In Your Arms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>English is not my mother tongue as I'm from the Czech Republic. There are mistakes in the story, I know, but I don't have anyone around to give me their feedback on the fic, grammar and so on (but if you'd like to let me know about the mistakes, please, do so in the comments bellow or just send me an email (you find it on my profile page), it'd be much appreciated)</p><p>I'm really sorry for the errors, but I hope you'll enjoy this work anyway :)</p><p>The title was inspired by a song called Somehow by Tom Odell...</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It felt like he was dreaming that kind of dream that was believable, yet so improbable it constantly made him wondering whether he was, indeed, living in reality. He was at home for three weeks and in the next month, he was about to apply for a job at Massachusetts General Hospital because, strangely enough, they were still willing to employ him. However, it seemed to be far away. After all, there was another… thing… he had to deal with, even though it didn’t sound correct in his mind. But it was true. They had to do something about the… thing… they had started in Korea and Charles couldn’t help himself not to be sceptical about it.</p><p>But… it was Pierce. Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce, the notorious don Juan, the womanizer, and the man who was awfully scared of the subtlest hint of any kind of commitment. Yet he promised Charles to see him in Boston after he would spend some time with his father.</p><p>The day of his arrival was set to be today, in the evening, and Charles was glad the house was almost empty as his parents and some of the servants left for Iowa to visit the lovely O’Reilley’s Farm.</p><p>Charles passed the opportunity, but promised himself to visit Radar one day because somewhere deep within his soul, he admired the bespectacled farm boy for his ability to be happy about little, almost futile things. He had been always able to enjoy his life the way he wanted, and all of this without pretending to be somebody else in order to live up to his parents expectations.</p><p>He had no idea what to do, Charles knew and the thought crossed his mind for a hundredth time since he had returned from Korea, and even when he was back there. Sitting in the armchair in the common room, his rather casual white shirt and grey pants constantly reminding him he was at home as he was waiting for a man whom he wanted to keep in his life, yet whom he wasn’t sure was interested in doing so.</p><p><em>However, such thoughts were of no use</em>, Charles concluded his inner monologue, weighing his options for a while before he stood up and headed for the bottle of the best whiskey his father possessed. He poured himself just a small amount, and with the glass in his hand, he made his move towards the gramophone, setting the needle to play the record again from the beginning. Humming the melody, he returned to the armchair, sipped at whiskey, and braced his head with the back of the armchair.</p><p>As the delicious liquid surged down his throat, a distant smile appeared on Charles’ lips. He still had time before he should start for the airport, therefore, he allowed himself to indulge in the nostalgia that overflowed him as a cause of the combination of his favourite music and the pleasant taste of the luxurious beverage, lingering on his tongue.</p><p>At the beginning, there were just looks. Quiet, friendly looks that evolved from the indifferent and tolerant ones and Charles was aware that he wasn’t the one who urged this change into motion.</p><p><em>Well, it depends</em>, curved his lips into a tiny smile once he remembered the moment when he noticed, for the very first time, that Pierce’s look was intrigued and a bit surprised. It all happened during the last months in Korea that subsequently turned into a marathon of stitching up wounded kids, sleeping, and striving to keep Pierce sane, which they didn’t quite manage. Yet in the end, he looked alright enough to acknowledge what Charles had lost back then.</p><p>Hawkeye offered him what he needed - a hug, a silent moment of companionship, and a long… long and tender night. It was the night he realized that there was nothing he desired more than to have Pierce in Boston. His arrogance, his pomposity, and his will to please his parents was defeated by the most powerful feeling, by the love he felt for him... for the man who had taught him that there was nothing wrong about being human, about showing you are capable of emotions, about being vulnerable…</p><p>Also, Pierce was the only one who knew about the wounded pianist. The boy, David Sheridan, must’ve been a brilliant piano player before the nerves in his right hand were destroyed to such extend he’d never be able to play again. But he decided to show him there was a way. That there still was hope for him because he had talent, his soul was one of an artist that could write music, so it would express emotions, which Charles admired immensely.</p><p>And the boy listened to him. He tried. He admitted that one day he could be happy again, but before he left the camp, he spent another night there, and as Charles was about to relieve Pierce form his duty, he halted two beds from the boy. Pierce was sitting next to him, laughing probably at something David said, and then… then he looked up.</p><p>Scared that Pierce would be making fun of him for being silly, he was frozen, staring at Pierce whom of course was far away from such thoughts, which Charles conceded in a span of a few seconds. Still, he didn’t move, not really happy that Pierce knew about his good-doing, but once Pierce smiled at him, his blue eyes warm, Charles felt something moving within his chest. As if something ignited, getting more and more powerful till it penetrated the stone walls around his heart, tearing them down, and setting the bunch of supressed emotions free, urging Charles to reciprocate the gesture in the subtlest possible way.</p><p>But it was enough to alter Pierce’s expression which remained friendly, yet gained a hint of suspicion, combined with interest and mild surprise. The good kind of surprise. Nervous, he watched Pierce to say his goodbye to the boy, rising to his feet and approaching Charles whom couldn’t bring himself to make a single move. However, there were not any remarks on Pierce’s side. With a small, encouraging smile, he passed him by.</p><p>“Have a nice day, Charles,” he said when he was coming through the door frame, leaving slightly puzzled Charles behind. In a matter of seconds, he pulled himself together, working as usually then, but from time to time he caught himself smiling absent-mindedly. The warmth stretching within his chest lingering, the fact that Pierce acknowledged his deed, his extraordinarily unselfish deed, was making him feel oddly light-headed.</p><p>Pierce’s reaction was also one of the reasons he tried hard to supress his cold inner self in order to let the compassionate part of his own soul shine. Once Pierce found out his father was about to have a surgery, Charles just couldn’t bare he was sentenced to face it alone. Everyone else, maybe, but not Hawkeye. Not the man whom had been struggling to kepp his mind sound, often balancing on the verge of insanity, but Charles wanted to help mainly because he sensed… something.</p><p>He sensed an opportunity to maintain Pierce’s opinion on him, to convince him that his personality was far more than a carefully piled up levels of aristocratic bullshit. And the more he heard from Pierce, the more Charles began realizing that he, indeed, desired to do this. To listen and to care. And Hawkeye would’ve managed to survive the period without his presence, of course, he would have, but Charles didn’t want him to be forced to do it on his own. He was there for him, hoping that he’d aid him at least a little bit, moreover… he was doing that for Pierce, not for himself as he realized once it was over.</p><p>He was satisfied that Pierce was okay and his father as well. Expecting nothing else to be said or done, Charles was pleasantly surprised when Pierce invited him for a drink. It seemed like everyone was too absorbed by the bowling tournament that the rest of the camp left them to themselves for the whole evening which the both them spent by having a quiet conversation. They laughed, they were grave, and with an aching feeling inside his chest, Charles spotted the unexplainable softness in Hawkeye’s eyes. He was curious and searching for something in his face, Charles knew back then, but instead of being defensive, he just… he just kept drinking the awful whiskey, and let Hawkeye see whatever he wanted to see.</p><p>It felt liberating. Throwing the façade away and being himself because he was sure that that was what Pierce wished for when they were together, when Hawkeye was glancing at him, ensuring Charles wasn’t bored, and he wasn’t. He wasn’t because Pierce wasn’t an annoying jester that evening. He opened up to him as well by being Benjamin Franklin Pierce, by being scared to death, depressed as hell, and lost as a lamb, and despite all of that, he could spring up a genuine laugh and a glint of peaceful happiness gleamed within the depths of his blue eyes once their topic shifted to his father. To his dad Daniel Pierce whose son was the embodiment of humanity in the epicentre of the most inhuman condition people could’ve come up.</p><p>They sat there for hours, neither of them leaving even when the conversation stagnated, even when their glasses were empty. There was something nearly sweet about the way Pierce’s tired eyes wandered around the club, around the vacant chairs, around the dirty walls, and then he fixed his gaze on Charles, smiling dreamily like he had forgotten he wasn’t alone.</p><p><em>Despite being surrounded by people, Pierce felt alone</em>, a sudden, clear thought, unlike the other hazy ones evoked by the alcohol. This one was different, terrifyingly strong, and yet, it shook up the whole Charles’ body not in the utterly disturbing way. Shifting closer to Pierce, Charles didn’t exactly know what he was doing, but in a span of a few seconds, a whole side of his body was pressed into Pierce’s, while Pierce didn’t say a word of protest. Quite the opposite.</p><p>Charles, shivering once again, heard a quivering exhale while Pierce closed the futile remaining space between them, pressing his side to Charles, probably too drunk to fully acknowledge what was happening. Charles would’ve doubted Pierce remembered the moment at all hadn’t been there for the timid smile Pierce gave him the following morning when meeting in the Swamp. And the fact that Pierce wasn’t ashamed of their truly intimate while, aimed right at Charles’ heart.</p><p>Since that moment, he was bound to admit at some point, that he desperately wanted to be with him. That he wanted to be with Hawkeye, to have a long, endless conversations with him, to learn about his point of view on life, on humankind, on everything, because he mightn’t have been a man of culture or class, but he definitely was worthy of all Charles’ attention, of his admiration, of his… of his love.</p><p>He wasn’t sure in the slightest whether there was even the slightest possibility Hawkeye would’ve ever been able to accept more than a friendly bond from another man, in fact he dreaded to find out Hawkeye wasn’t at all like him, however…</p><p>It was again connected with something Charles had said or done, if you will, but this time he didn’t know how Pierce figured it out till he revealed it himself. One particular officer was frustrated, even enraged, so he sat in the mess tent next to Pierce in order to have lunch, but as they made acquaintance, the officer started complaining about a certain major Winchester whom yelled at him for nothing. However, Hawkeye quite correctly assumed that bullying soldiers for stuttering is something he would’ve punched him for.</p><p>But before the truth was known to Charles, he was almost shocked when he seated himself in the mess tent later that day, and having a cup of coffee, he hoped for a quiet moment to relax, but once he realized Pierce was standing in the door frame, he gulped hard. The expression on Pierce’s face was undeniably friendly, which wasn’t that unusual in those days, but there was something lurking underneath that, something Charles wasn’t able to decipher as Pierce had never looked at him that way. There was pride, Charles thought, pride and fascination, moreover, Pierce seemed to be very much unfocused as if Pierce himself didn’t know what was going on his own mind.</p><p>Despite his smile being vague and automatic, his eyes were bright, sharp, intense and almost cutting, which sent a shiver down Charles’ spine as he kept gazing at Pierce, undeterred by the noise surrounding them. In this very moment, only the two of them mattered. Only the two of them, and the storms of emotions raging within their souls, seeking catharsis, seeking a solution, seeking the place where they were standing and what direction they could move in, preferably together, because that was what Charles abruptly was adamant about.</p><p>Without a real interruption of the moment, Pierce urged himself into motion, sitting down wordlessly next to Charles, briefly looking at him before he let his eyes wander around a bit. Restless, constantly shifting, Pierce didn’t say anything for five consecutive minutes, but then he uttered a sentence that had the power to fill Charles’ chest with sheer anticipation, “Need to talk to you. Alone, Charles. It’s urgent, so come in the evening to the VIP tent.”</p><p>And with that, he nervously looked around again, stood up and hurried out of the tent, but his odd behaviour couldn’t have upsetted Charles at all. He was staring in front of himself, his body frozen, but his heartbeat furious, and a tiny smile was tugging at his lips.</p><p>It felt like a beginning, and in the evening, he was convinced it was a very sweet, hot, and passionate beginning of something unique. A beginning of a fragile and delicate relationship he treasured like nothing else in the world, for he was eager to… to keep him at his side. He respected his parents, he wished to pay them back for what they had done for him, but somewhere deep within his soul he knew that he would fight till the very end for the relationship he put his whole heart in. His heart, his soul, his everything including doubts and fears, and they mingled with Hawkeye’s, creating a painfully beautiful bond of two people, vulnerable in front each other, which scared them to death, yet fascinated them at once.</p><p>And despite that, Charles was afraid. His chest constricted with doubts, his fingers almost vibrating with need to touch him again, to hug him, to feel his love again. Trying to curb some of his excitement and fears, he occupied his mind with utterly simple tasks as focusing on the steps he took to the gramophone to turn it off, then he looked for the driver whether he was ready to take him to the airport, and once he put his coat on and checked on the cook, assuring her that there is no need to serve dinner tonight, he headed for the door and to the already started car.</p><p>Hawkeye didn’t tell him the reason of his visit. Of course, Charles didn’t hesitate to offer him to stay at the family house, feeling thrilled to see him, but… Hawkeye sounded anxious, as if he wanted to be quickly over with something, and therefore there were the intrusive thoughts attacking Charles’ mind. Fighting them, Charles spent the whole ride not in a great mood, yet he managed to maintain a calm façade when giving instructions to the driver, and entering the main hall at the airport, his eyes immediately searching for the time schedule.</p><p>Hawkeye’s aircraft had just landed, Charles learnt, and the unsettling vibrations spread from his stomach to the whole body, making him even more restless. But then, after a few minutes of furious pacing the hall, his heart throbbed, his lips widened in a tentative, yet distinctively happy smile once he randomly glanced up and saw him, making quick steps towards him.</p><p>Charles intended just to say hello and shake his hand, they were in public after all, but from the fact that Hawkeye’s movements weren’t slowing down, he soon enough was sure that Hawkeye was about wrap him up in the most emotional embrace they could share in the public place. During the brief moment he was given to look into Pierce’s eyes, Charles was shaken up with the raw joy he saw, accompanied by the hint of tears, shining like opaque beads in the corners of his blue eyes.</p><p>Without hesitation, without second thoughts, Charles draw the skinny man closer to him, hugging his bony body, fingers brushing his hair whose fresh smell urged him to inhale carefully as if to acknowledge his presence with all senses he could. Realizing how painfully much he missed his boy, Charles’ breath became a bit shallow with the weight of feelings, and he closed his eyes to relish the moment, the fact they were together again.</p><p>Having Hawkeye so close, holding him, his hands upon his back…</p><p>“Ben,” was the only word Charles was able to voice through his throat, narrowed with the amount of emotions, and he murmured the name again, quietly, yet Hawkeye surely heard him because he pressed even more into him, and Charles didn’t doubt that Ben was fighting all the urges to show his affection also differently, but… but they weren’t allowed to.</p><p>“I missed you so much,” mumbled Ben into Charles’ shoulder, causing Charles to tremble as well, but most importantly the way he trembled on the inside, he realized that he believed Hawkeye every word. And every emotion behind it. The tightness in his chest eased down, and he relaxed, brushing again Hawkeye’s hair gently, for he gradually admitted to himself that Ben might’ve loved him as much as he loved him. It definitely didn’t feel like goodbye or that he had intentions to run away, yearning to be free and free of commitments.</p><p>Quite the opposite as Charles already felt that Hawkeye bonded with him in a way he hadn’t thought was possible for him. But here they were, clinging to each other like their lives depended on it, their hearts beating with sheer joy from the reunion, yet the sharp ache tearing their chests apart constantly kept them on the verge of crying.</p><p>“Are you sure that your family wouldn’t mind me?” Ben asked quietly as they finally forced to part, Hawkeye desperately trying to recompose himself, looking everywhere else but at Charles.</p><p>“They aren’t at home,” Charles informed him. “But no, they wouldn’t for I have the whole wing of the house at my disposal. They wouldn’t have even noticed you were here if you possibly wanted that.”</p><p>Hawkeye quickly looked at him and nodded, “Where are they? Vacation?”</p><p>“More like a trip to purgatory…” mumbled Charles and frowning, he observed Hawkeye more carefully, noticing just his backpack. “You have no luggage?”</p><p>“No, I don’t, Charles,” Hawkeye shook his head, his blue eyes two deepest pits of sadness. “The clothes I have at home don’t really fit me anymore, so I’ve thought to buy something here, in Boston.”</p><p>“Sure, why not,” Charles shrugged, nudging his chin towards the exit. “The car’s waiting outside. You want to rest a bit or go shopping right away?”</p><p>“I’d like to go home,” said Ben so softly, shyly, it hit Charles unguarded. Home. It sounded so familiar, yet so strange, hearing it voiced by Ben, but still, he smiled.</p><p>Touched, he nodded, “Fine, let’s go home,” and as they walked towards the door, Charles let his eyes roam over Hawkeye, over his jeans and black jacket, which suited him perfectly, he thought. “You don’t seem you've outgrown these.”</p><p>It took a few seconds for Hawkeye to follow the train of Charles’ thoughts, and the nostalgic hint in Hawkeye’s smile gave Charles’ heart a throb.</p><p>“I haven’t outgrown any of my clothes, I simply… couldn’t myself bring to wear them anymore, as if… as if they didn’t fit who I am anymore, if you know what I mean,” he said, voice almost cheerful, but Charles sensed the pain behind them.</p><p>“I do,” Charles answered, looking straight in Hawkeye’s eyes, soft and loving, but then he rather focused on their surroundings to go in the right direction, so they would eventually arrive to the car.</p><p>“Back to Beacon Hill, Terence, please,” Charles said to the driver, but then he stepped aside, holding the door open for Ben who seemed surprised, yet he grinned goofily at Charles and dove into the car, making himself comfortable. Charles joined him inside, and as the car moved forward, he opted for commenting on the parts of the city they were going through. Charles was aware Hawkeye knew the place better than a common tourist, however, it only contributed to the pleasant conversation they were having during the journey, sharing their experiences gained in the city of Boston.</p><p>Although enjoying the conversation, Charles was becoming more and more restless as they were approaching Beacon Hill. Not only he wanted to be completely alone with Ben, but moreover he was curious about the reason of his visit.</p><p>“Would you like a drink?” Charles offered once they entered the house. It was a bit chilly outside, therefore, he would certainly use one.</p><p>“You’re such an attentive host,” Hawkeye grinned again at Charles, “Thanks, I’d like one,” and that was everything Charles needed to know. He aimed for the common room, hearing Hawkeye’s steps behind him as he probably was observing the room where Charles headed for the bottle of whiskey. While he put the ice cubes and poured some whiskey into his glass, the other he filled with whiskey and soda. He handed the second glass to Hawkeye as they both sat down of the leather sofa.</p><p>For a while, they concentrated maybe too much on their drinks, sipping on them, and Charles began savouring the quite company Ben was providing him with. He didn’t intend to press Hawkeye into saying anything. Charles welcomed the silence which was very much soothing when shared with Ben, yet he sensed that Hawkeye wasn’t able to relax. Watching him, he saw how tense he was, and that something was significantly troubling him.</p><p>For they were seated each in the distinct corners of the sofa, Charles drank more of his whiskey and placed the glass on the table, yielding to his curiosity together with the powerful need to be closer to Ben once again. Suddenly, the room was hot as was his skin, begging to be touched, to be pressed into Hawkeye’s, but still, he wouldn't have wanted to startle Ben in the slightest, therefore he just inched closer, leaving some minor space between them, which was for Ben to cover.</p><p>And he did. Without looking at him, without uttering a word, Hawkeye leaned to Charles’ side, his hair almost brushing Charles’ nose. Charles gently nuzzled the greying hair, breathing in, marvelling at the trust Hawkeye was showing him, marvelling at the sudden intimacy of the moment. He pulled his hand from the confidence of their bodies, but before he could slip it behind Ben’s back, he changed his mind and wrapped his palm around Hawkeye’s one, laying atop his thigh.</p><p>He noticed Ben’s sharp inhale, and for a split second he dreaded he had overstepped some invisible border, but as quickly the thought appeared, it also quickly vanished because Ben turned to him, burying his face into Charles’ neck tenderly.</p><p>At such gesture, Charles was clueless about his own reaction. What to do? What not to do? What to say…?</p><p>With the other hand, he caressed Hawkeye’s face, his two day stubble, and once he did it, his heart felt like singing a symphony of love, beating violently, yet beautifully, giving Charles a clear answer to his dilemma.</p><p>“I’m glad you’ve come, Ben,” he said slowly, quietly not to break the fragile atmosphere. “And I genuinely want to help you, so please, talk to me, my boy.”</p><p>Instead of words, it was just a growl that came from Hawkeye, which puzzled Charles a bit, but the sound subsequently melted into a soft laugh, tinted with disbelief.</p><p>“You certainly know me well,” Hawkeye breathed out, amused and moved at the same time, as he drew back, so he could look into Charles eyes. They hands remained connected.</p><p>“I’ve allowed myself to live under that impression, yes,” Charles nodded, feeling the corners of his lips curving slightly upwards, but soon enough he was grave again. “Is your dad alright?”</p><p>“My dad?” chuckled Hawkeye. “Definitely, he’s thrilled to have me back in one piece!”</p><p>“And yet… you’re here,” Charles reminded him earlier than he had thought it through, but his fears of upsetting Hawkeye were vain.</p><p>“Yes, I am, because if somebody knows me better than you, than it’s my dad,” were blue eyes full of deep love. “And he wants his only son to be happy.”</p><p>“Your dad is a very admirable person,” Charles said, feeling his eyes and heart getting softer each second he spent watching Ben’s expression, loving, grateful, but still in a kind of despair. “But what do you want, Ben?”</p><p>“To move on, Charles,” Ben looked into Charles’ eyes, pouring out his very heart. “To move on with you, if that is what you might like.”</p><p>Charles blinked in surprise, the last remnants of doubts, of insecurity shattered in the echoes of the future that seemed even more alluring when he could have Ben by his side. That the man in front of him, chronically scared of any commitments, was eager to commit to him.</p><p>Squeezing Ben’s hand, he literally melted at the tender smile Hawkeye gave him, the tension within his features fading away.</p><p>“Ben, I…” searching for words, Charles opened his mouth, and staring at the precious human being in front of him, he couldn’t at all understand why Hawkeye had chosen him, however, he wasn’t one to ponder that. “I’d love that,” he said, feeling as something at most heavy was lifted off his shoulders, making him realize that these words would be sufficient, that he made things clear enough, yet his needed to say something more. To express how he was truly feeling, how he was about to burst with cheerfulness that Ben wanted to be with him, to share the following days, moths, and hopefully years together… It meant so much for Charles to know that Ben wanted him, and he just needed to softly add, “Of course, I’d love that, Ben. I love you.”</p><p>It was freeing, liberating, and also rewarding to say it aloud as the joyful sparks within Hawkeye’s eyes were the most beautiful things he had ever seen. He noticed the doubts and disbelief in Ben’s features, but as the silence prolonged and Charles didn’t say anything else, and just waited for Ben to absorb it, it seemed that it started to sink in, and Hawkeye smiled tentatively, yet happily.</p><p>“I love you, too,” said Ben as their palms shifted, their fingers intertwined, and Charles knew he was manically smiling, his chest threating to burst with the ton of love lingering between the two of them. It was almost palpable that they loved each other; he could see it now.</p><p>“Come,” Charles rose to his feet, tugging Ben also up. “I’ll show you your private room you can use as long as you wish.”</p><p>Hawkeye, still holding firmly his hand, followed him, and Charles, during the journey to the main staircase, wondered whether he had always been like that, whether the war changed him, or whether it was just Ben. It might’ve been just Ben’s nagging presence, trying to get to his core, to shove away all the pomposity and haughtiness to unearth his true self. The true emotions he was capable of, his rage, his sorrow, his love and compassion…</p><p>“You talked with your dad about… this? Us?” he asked to avoid the thoughts crossing his mind and making him feel even more vulnerable.</p><p>“I did, he… he surprised me how understanding he was, really,” admitted Hawkeye as they were climbing up the stairs and taking the corridor on the left. “I expected some questions, at least about grandchildren, but… he really seemed pleased that I’ve decided to leave Crappable Cove as it’s not what it used to be,” Ben elaborated and Charles noticed his grief over the situation.</p><p>“What appears to be the problem?”</p><p>“People are migrating to cities, I think, which isn’t bad in general, but… It pains me to see my hometown turning into a desolate place,” he explained. “And fewer people mean lesser work, so… my dad wants to keep his practise here, but he said rather directly to me that I shouldn’t waste my time there and find a job at hospital.”</p><p>“So, he’s not pondering retirement?” was Charles curious about the options Ben’s father had as they reached the part of the house which more or less belonged to Charles, therefore he could accommodated anybody he wanted in here. Opening one of the doors in the corridor, he showed Hawkeye a way in, knowing well it had been prepared beforehand as he had asked the servants to do so.</p><p>“Heh, I doubt that,” Hawkeye snorted while ogling the room. “I suppose he could retire, but he’d be bored the very next day. And even though I want to keep visiting him as often as possible, I won’t be there to keep him company every day… Twice a week as it’s not that far away from Boston. When it comes to that… I guess, I could’ve driven here,” he chuckled and looked at Charles from the corner  of his eyes as if awaiting Charles’ reaction, but Charles didn’t flinch, didn’t protest.</p><p>“As I said, you can stay here as long as you want to, till you find an apartment on your own or whatever…,” he shrugged rather mentally, “We’ll figure something out.”</p><p>Standing in the door frame, he let Ben wander around the room as much he wanted, and on the account of the previous topic, he added, “And in terms of your trips to Maine, it’s not like you must drive. I could drive us here, but of course, it depends on…” Charles’s voice trailed off, not sure whether it was wise to continue as Hawkeye abruptly faced him, frowning, but not hostile. More like utterly shocked.</p><p>“You would do that?”</p><p>“Sure,” Charles nodded. He had no issues with taking their relationship seriously. Maybe he was a bit reluctant to admit that Ben taught him to be more tolerant to other people, to learn to understand them, but in the present day, there was nothing like reluctance to do something nice for others. In the present day, he kept noticing he was doing that naturally without selfish undertones, without demanding something in return and it felt good. It felt good to show that you care and that you are capable of feelings, of love…</p><p>Hawkeye was quiet for a moment, just watching Charles as if looking for a catch, but then he relaxed again as a little smile appeared upon his lips.</p><p>“You aren’t disgusted by the rural parts anymore?” asking that in a light tone, he pointed his eyes towards the window, looking out through the glass.</p><p>“I reckon, disgusted isn’t the correct word. More like I’ve grown accustomed to it,” Charles answered, quite amused by the idea of him, being almost alright in a place like Iowa. Or Maine. “After all, it might’ve been in my blood the whole life because my parents apparently became very fond of farming. Right now, they are on their way to O’Reilly’s farm in Iowa.”</p><p>Grimacing, he saw a spark of longing within Hawkeye’s eyes.</p><p>“We should visit him as well someday,” Ben suggested, probably testing the grounds, however, Charles just nodded, bumped away from the doorframe, and close the door behind him, so they could talk as freely as they pleased. And not only talk, thought Charles whom was, of course, used to curbing his urges, yet at home, in the almost empty house… It was harder and harder to concentrate on the words instead on Ben’s lean body, on the jeans and shirt that fitted him so well, making him such a tempting prospect to embrace, hold him close again, kiss him finally…</p><p>“Charles?”</p><p>He blinked, gulping as he realized the heat, crawling up his body, and he felt quilty for not listening to Hawkeye who had asked him something he was hopefully about to repeat.</p><p>“I asked whether you’d come along,” explained Ben, smiling lightly.</p><p>“Probably,” Charles confirmed and approached Hawkeye slowly, standing then beside him at the window. It wasn’t snowing, but the weather was rather chilly, uninviting, but he didn’t complain. Upon his return from Korea, hardly ever did he complained about anything.</p><p>As neither of them said anything for quite a while, Charles again had time to appreciate the comfortable silence between them. So distant seemed the weird moments which were clustered with Hawkeye’s incisive babbling on various topics, so distant seemed the awkward moments in the Swamp. Back then, they weren’t able to communicate properly. They didn’t understand, they mightn’t have wanted to understand, perceiving each other as too different to spring another emotion than respect for each other. And yet, here they were.</p><p>Standing at the window of Ben’s room in Charles’ house, their fingering slightly touching, however, their hearts were already beating as one.</p><p>It was the intimate atmosphere, the honesty of their relationship that made Hawkeye  speak up again, “Sometimes I just wonder when exactly it happened that you became so important to me. When you ceased to be a colleague, and became a friend, and then something more… like a safe harbour,” was Hawkeye nearly mumbling as if he was ashamed of telling Charles such things, but the rest of the sentence was more audible, filled with gratitude, “And then, I every single time realize that I know it.”</p><p>Saying this, Ben slipped his fingers between Charles’, squeezing his hand gently, and Charles’ mouth curved into a touched little smile.</p><p>“It was the night of your dad’s surgery,” he stated, not really asking as he had been wondering over the years as well, reaching only this sole conclusion.</p><p>“Yeah…” Ben nodded, staring blankly from the window, yet his thoughts weren’t following his gaze. Charles noticed that his face missed exhaustion and the hint on insanity he was accustomed to in Korea. Yes, he still looked haunted and tired, the scares upon his soul were bound to be painful till the end of his days for him being the epitome of humanity, but somewhere in the bluest depths of his eyes, Charles saw life.</p><p>This wasn’t a burn out shell of a human. This was a man who was capable of fighting through every trauma with bleeding gashes all over his body, mind, and soul with one single goal – to help people. To heal them, to ease their own pain, and this Ben’s undying will to live, to help, to love… it fascinated Charles immensely, the admiration for his boy great as Ben’s ability to love.</p><p>“You know, my dad advised me to see you. To get your opinion on the plan I might have…”</p><p>This time, Charles caught what Ben was saying, therefore he got the next question, “What about your family? Do you think you’ll ever get to tell them?”</p><p>There was no pressure in his voice, just mere curiosity, and Charles didn’t hesitate to sate this Ben’s need.</p><p>“I doubt very much that they’ll ever understand, but… who knows,” he shrugged, and even though he had made peace with this issue, he still felt a sting of remorse that he was going to disappoint his parents who gave him everything he could’ve appreciated. However, he wasn’t able to do anything about his love for Ben, moreover, he didn’t want to. “Let’s not talk about this now. We have plenty of time to figure everything out.”</p><p>“When are you expected at the hospital?” asked Hawkeye, turning away from the window to face Charles who was caught off guard by his suddenly strengthening urge to kiss Hawkeye, to properly welcome him here, and seal everything they’d been speaking about. To show he was dead serious about everything.</p><p>“In three weeks,” said Charles, remembering they were talking about their jobs on the phone a couple days ago. “Are you sure that you don’t want to apply for the job in here? At least to try it… or another local hospital maybe…” he added as he was adamant about Hawkeye’s glorious surgical skills which could get him a place anywhere. Of course, he might need some time to rekindle the art of thorough and careful surgeries, but that was something every single one of them needed, including Charles even though he felt a certain level of displeasure about it.</p><p>For a brief moment, doubts crossed Hawkeye’s features, tensing a bit and he averted his gaze back to the window. Charles sensed there was a storm raging within Hawkeye’s soul. On one hand he was sure the leap into unknown must be taken, on the other hand he dreaded leaving his hometown, his father, and his past self behind.</p><p>Charles wasn’t able to imagine how scary it must’ve felt, but he had some ideas how to make it easier for Ben, how to cheer him up, so he brushed Hawkeye’s hand with his thumb to get his attention. Glancing at him with a quiet question in his eyes, Hawkeye gave him a warm smile before Charles smiled at him as well, encouragingly, and he hoped happily because he felt that way.</p><p>“Has it been just our influence or have you always had this gentleness in you…” were Ben’s eyes shining with love that went right into Charles’ throbbing heart and melted all the remaining restraints holding his desires under control. He didn’t answer, just watched the man in front of him, his greying hair, his wrinkles around blue eyes, his specifically shaped nose, his slightly blushed cheeks, his stubble, his lips he yearned to kiss so much it almost ached.</p><p>The feeling that he was allowed to kiss Ben, that it was even welcomed, it made him feel honoured and special more than anything his parents had ever told him. His look darting back to Hawkeye’s eyes, he felt the air between them getting hot as the tiniest hint of hunger emanated from Ben’s gaze. Intense vibrations in his lower stomach, heart pounding loudly, Charles’ other hand being planted on Hawkeye’s neck when the both men moved forward.</p><p>Gently, Charles placed his mouth upon Ben’s chapped lips, fingers crawling up his skin till he buried them in the black hair. As Hawkeye kissed him back, softly, yet with a trace of urgency and desperation that Charles noticed when he heard as a little moan escaped his own lips, being totally caught off guard by Ben who was slightly shaking. Their kiss sweet and slow, Charles plunged into it, focusing only on it, on Ben, on making him feel good and loved and so much wanted…</p><p><em>How much he loved kissing Ben</em>, a thought crossed his mind, connecting the old memories of having the delicious lips pressed against his own to the new one that was being created in the very moment.</p><p>Once Charles discerned a caressing hand on his cheek, he opened his eyes, which he automatically had closed, just in time to see Hawkeye drawing back, laying his forehead against Charles’.</p><p>If Charles wanted to describe what was going on inside him, he wouldn’t be able to find the right words as he had never seen so content expression upon Ben’s face, so content and sated, yet hungry and excited. So lively and so beautiful.</p><p>Breathing hard, Charles lovingly ruffled Hawkeye’s hair, making him smile happily.</p><p>“I love you, Charles,” Ben opened his eyes, staring right into Charles’ face for a few seconds, before he leaned down, kissing him again, which Charles took as a hint, moving his palm lower on Hawkeye’s back. Ben pressed his body into him, making him feel how bony he was, how lean and slender his body was, and Charles knew he would never have enough of it.</p><p>His chest burning with emotions, his mind getting blank and capable of taking in only Ben’s intense presence. Yes… not only Hawkeye seemed happy, but Charles definitely was as well.</p><p>“I love you, too, my boy,” whispered Charles once their lips parted, and for the second time in his whole life, it felt genuine, real, and raw to say it. With the taste of Ben’s lips on his own, with his gloriously blue eyes being filled with love, Charles didn’t doubt he had ever been happier. “Very much,” he added and smiling, he touched Ben’s cheek as their hands also parted, and Ben’s one wandered around Charles’ waist.</p><p>And despite being eager to have Ben even closer, for that time of being, Charles settled for having Ben in his arms…. In his arms, which seemed so improbable just a year ago, yet now, none of them seemed to want anything else, but to always end in each other’s arms.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Honestly, I had intended to write a smut story with Hawk and Charles in the first place, but somehow… it wasn’t meant to be, I guess. However, if you’d like a bit more porny fiction with this pairing, just let me know in the comments. I’d possibly try to write something like that :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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